


A Human's Prayer / An Angel's Prayer

by hunenka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s09e01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here, Episode: s09e03 I'm No Angel, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunenka/pseuds/hunenka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean in the hospital chapel in <i>I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here</i>.</p>
<p>Castiel in the church in <i>I’m No Angel.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	A Human's Prayer / An Angel's Prayer

**I. A Human's Prayer**

At age four, Dean says a little prayer every night before he goes to sleep, asking the angels to keep watching over his family, to take care of Mommy and Daddy and little Sammy.

At age six, Dean realizes that if the angels were listening, they should’ve brought Mom back by now. But she’s still gone, and Dad says she’s not coming back. When Dean asks what he has done to anger the angels so much, why they punish him like this, Dad’s eyes fill with tears and he answers, “There are no angels, kid. Only devils.” Dean cries himself to sleep that night, but he doesn’t pray again.

At age twenty-eight, Dean practically mocks Sam when Sam tells him he prays every night. There is no higher power, no God, no angels; there can’t be. It’s easier to believe such things don’t exist than that they are real but for some reason, they just don’t care.

At age twenty nine, Dean is pulled out from Hell by an angel of the Lord. The angel’s name is Castiel, and although the question “Where the fuck have you been my whole life?” is always at the tip of Dean’s tongue, he never says it out loud, grateful that the angel is here now.

At age thirty, Dean stands in the middle of a parking lot, the night dark around him, and prays for the first time in over two decades. Not for himself, but for his brother, who is about to face Lilith. “I’m praying, okay? Come on. Please.” And Castiel comes.

At age thirty one, Dean learns that God is gone, left this plane of existence, no longer caring about his creation. It is a hard blow for Castiel, and for their hope to avert the Apocalypse, but to Dean personally, it doesn’t really matter that much, because his angel is still here.

At age thirty two, Dean is the one Sam and Bobby ask to call for Castiel, since for some reason they are convinced the angel will respond to Dean the best. It still feels a little awkward, but less so than it used to.

At age thirty three, in the perpetual gloom of Purgatory, Dean ignores Benny’s amused, vaguely condescending smirk, and whispers the prayer he repeats every night before he falls into an exhausted, restless sleep.

At age thirty four, on his knees in a chapel, hands clasped, head bowed and eyes closed, Dean prays to Castiel, his angel, his friend, like a devout man prays to his God. It feels natural by now. Except for the part where Castiel doesn’t answer.

And that’s why, once Sam’s life is out of immediate danger, Dean finds himself in the hospital chapel again. But this time, he’s not praying to Castiel, he’s praying _for_ Castiel. Maybe this time, God will answer his prayer.

 

**II. An Angel's Prayer**

“Someone is listening.” The woman’s smile is warm and reassuring, and even without his angelic mind-reading powers Castiel can tell that she truly believes what she says.

He wishes he still had that kind of faith. He remembers the security of it, the comfort, the certainty, the lack of doubt, the feeling of being loved and doing right.

That was before he plunged into the dark depths of Hell and pulled out the torn and frayed, yet still shining soul of Dean Winchester.

Then came doubt, and the heavy burden of choice, and free will, and, ultimately, the Fall.

Once again, Castiel raises his head to look at Jesus hanging on the cross, at the winged angels on the stained glass windows. Unlike the kind lady, Castiel knows that God and angels do exist; they just chose not to listen, not to care.

But still, the woman’s parting words resonate in Castiel’s mind, awakening a small spark of hope as he thinks about his life, and the people he’s met, the friends he’s made.

He thinks about the one man who had faith in Castiel when Castiel had no faith in himself, the man who prayed to him and trusted him and always forgave him and welcomed him back with a smile and acceptance.

“Someone is listening,” Castiel whispers and closes his eyes, bringing up the image of Dean’s face.

And Castiel prays, asking his friend to come, to find him, to pull him into a hug and keep him safe, to make him feel loved and right again.

Because no matter where Dean is, no matter what he’s doing, Castiel is sure that somewhere deep down, Dean is listening.

END


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